What to Say Instead of "How Was Your Day?"

“The relationship you have with your child shapes the structure and function of the brain.” - Dr. Dan Siegel

“I can’t wait to hear about something fun you did today!”
“I was thinking of you—was there anything that made you smile?”
“I’m so proud of how hard you work! What did you enjoy at school today?”
“Tell me about the best part of your day; I’d love to hear!”
“I hope you had a great day. Remember, I’m here if you want to talk about anything.”
“While I was working today, I thought about you, and it made me smile. What about you?”
“I’m excited to see you! After we chat, let’s do something fun together.”
“I can’t wait to hear about your day, but I need another 30 minutes to finish up my work.”

Key Moments to Connect Each Day:

First Minute After Waking Up: Start the day with a warm, gentle greeting.
First Minute After School: Acknowledge their arrival with enthusiasm.
Last Minute Before Bed: Reflect on the day and share a calm moment together.

Let your child know how excited you are to be with them during these critical connection times!

Depth of Communication:

Why It Matters: Open-ended questions encourage children to elaborate on their thoughts and feelings. Deeper conversations help develop better communication skills.
Example: Instead of asking, “How was your day?” try, “What was the most interesting thing you learned today?”

Emotional Connection:

Why It Matters: Children feel more connected and valued when parents show genuine interest in their experiences. A study in Developmental Psychology emphasizes that this connection fosters emotional security.
Example: Ask, “Was there a moment today that made you really happy?”

Cognitive Development:

Why It Matters: Diverse questions stimulate critical thinking and problem-solving skills. This encourages reflection and cognitive growth.
Example: Instead of “How was school?” ask, “What problem did you solve today?”

Encouragement of Expression:

Why It Matters: Encouraging children to share their thoughts promotes emotional intelligence. A survey by the Child Mind Institute found that expressive children develop stronger communication skills.
Example: Ask, “What was something that surprised you today?”

Building Trust:

Why It Matters: Meaningful conversations build trust between parents and children. The Journal of Family Psychology notes that children who feel comfortable discussing their day are more likely to seek help during tough times.
Example: Instead of “Did you have a good day?” try, “What was something that made you feel proud today?”

Positive Behavioral Outcomes:

Why It Matters: Regular engaging conversations reduce behavioral problems. Research from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry links strong parent-child bonds to positive behavior.
Example: Ask, “Who did you play with at recess, and what did you do together?”

Long-Term Impact:

Why It Matters: Fostering a culture of inquiry leads to lifelong learning habits. This improves educational outcomes as children grow.
Example: Instead of “What did you do?” ask, “If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?”

By asking these varied questions, parents can enhance communication, emotional well-being, and strengthen their relationships with their children.